Morning After
by DcDreamer
Summary: REUPLOAD. Original post date: 10/8/11. In the aftermath of Rei's devasting impact, Shinji and Asuka must make difficult decisions regarding the only other person left in the world.


Five Days after Rei's Impact

-Misato's old apartment—

Shinji stared at the cup of instant ramen in his hands. Sooner or later he would have to go out and search for more food, but it was a journey that Shinji dreaded. He dared to sneak a peek at Asuka's door. He had heard her come out of her room several times to eat or go to the bathroom, but she only came out when Shinji was in his room.

 _I can't blame her for being mad at me, not after what I did._

 _"Disgusting."_

Shinji cringed at the memory and sighed, wondering if he would ever see her again at all.

A high-pitched shriek resounded throughout the kitchen and Shinji jumped at the disturbance. He sighed when he spotted the kettle on the stove and slowly got up from the dining table to quiet the racket. Never removing his eyes from the ramen, Shinji carefully poured the hot water into the cup and moved once again to sit at the table. As he waited for his meal, Shinji placed his head on the cool table and wrapped his arms around his head.

When he looked back up again he nearly had a heart attack.

"A-Asuka!"

Standing directly across from him at the table was Asuka. She was wearing her usual comfortable civilian clothes and bandages continued to wind around her right arm.

Shinji quickly straightened upon seeing her. Her mere presence commanded his attention as his fearful eyes swept over her. Shinji duly noted that she had removed the patch over her eye but that she had not tied her hair back into its signature style. Her blue eyes stared blankly back at Shinji, in fact she was so still Shinji began to fear that she had returned to her catatonic state.

He waited in suffocating silence for her to speak, leave, _move_.

At last she parted her lips.

Shinji held his breath.

She breathed in and murmured, "I hate you."

Suddenly all of Asuka's body grew tense and coiled like an angry ally cat. She snarled at the wincing boy and stormed over to him, yanking him up by the collar.

Before he could protest, Shinji felt Asuka's cold hand slam against his cheek.

"I hate you!" _Slap._

"You weak!" _Slap._

"Selfish!" _Slap._

"Coward!" _Slap._

"You used me!" _Slap._

"I hate you!" _Shove._

Shinji cried out in pain as his back hit the kitchen cabinet. Asuka's fists were beating against his chest in a second.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" she raged but her fists had already lost their force and her eyes were already filled with tears.

"Why?" she sobbed. "I hate you, so why?"

Confused by these words, Shinji managed to speak up for the first time, "A-Asuka-"

"What?" she interrupted. "Are you going to tell me I'm wrong?" She gripped his shirt even tighter in her fists but refused to look at him. "Go ahead and defend your pathetic self, Shinji. I knew that was what you were going to do anyway. I knew you hadn't changed."

Shinji stared at her as she let out a bitter laugh. He continued to stare even as she became silent and the two were frozen in place.

Finally, after much contemplation on his part, Shinji clenched his fist and drew himself up.

"No."

He drew his hands up over hers and pried her still fingers from his shirt.

"No, I won't say you're wrong. Everything you said about me was true."

He used his hands to guide her fists so that they continued to strike his chest.

"You have every right to hate me."

He quickened the abusive movement of their hands.

"I'm a weak, selfish coward but-!"

He stopped their hands.

"But just because I'm like that doesn't mean I'll always be like that. I-I can change."

He freed her fingers from her fists.

"It's true that I've hurt you but it's true that you've hurt me too! But-but in spite of that, I still…I still _care_ about you Asuka!"

He intertwined his fingers with hers and placed them on his chest.

"I'm scared, Asuka. I'm scared of changing, but I'm even more scared of staying the way I am!"

He gently squeezed her hands.

"I don't want to hurt anyone ever again, even if that is impossible. I want to change so that I can be a good person, so, so that I can love myself." He lowered his voice to a murmur, "So that you can love me."

"I can't do this on my own, Asuka. I need you."

After a pregnant silence, Asuka choked out, "Why? I should hate you, so why…?"

She curled her fingers over his and finally turned to look at him, fresh tears shining on her cheeks. "Shinji, you idiot, you just can't make me hate you." She withdrew her hands from him and turned away, wiping her tears.

"Asuka…"

She seated herself at the table and suddenly regained her usual composure, "Shinji, I'm hungry. Why don't you make me some lunch?"

Shinji stared at her, stunned.

 _What is she doing? Isn't she angry? Doesn't she hate me?_

" _Shinji, you idiot, you just can't make me hate you."_

 _You don't…hate me?_

Slowly a smile graced his face as he looked at her.

Asuka squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable with his gaze. "What's with that stupid look? Idiot!"

Shinji fought back a laugh as he turned to the kitchen to place the kettle on the stove once more.

Asuka watched Shinji carry out his ministrations with a cheerful look on his face. In fact, Asuka couldn't place the last time she had seen Shinji so happy.

 _Is it really all because of me?_

Shinji had just finished pouring out the boiling hot water into Asuka's ramen cup and was about to set the kettle down when she spoke up.

"Shinji, will you kiss me?"

Shinji nearly dropped the kettle on his foot but hastily managed to stick it and Asuka's cup on the countertop before he allowed himself to completely panic.

Now that the objects with dangerously hot contents were safely away, Shinji could panic.

"K-kiss!?" He could feel his face burning. "B-but Asuka, you remember the last time we kissed! It-it wa-was a disaster! You d-didn't like it at all!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So!? If you didn't like it last time why do you want to kiss me again!?"

Asuka stood up from her seat and placed her hands on her hips. "Shinji Ikari, I'm starting to think you don't want to kiss me."

Shinji wildly flailed his hands to contradict her. "No! That's not what I meant at all!"

"So why won't you kiss me?" she teased. "Are you scared?"

"Yes!"

Shinji's blush impossibly deepened as both he and Asuka stared at each other in disbelief.

Shinji looked away with a sigh and rubbed the back of his now pink neck. "I'm scared that I'll kiss you and you won't like it again. I'm scared that you'll never like me."

"What an idiot."

Shinji turned to find Asuka looking back at him with her steady gaze and arms crossed over her chest. The same confident gaze and stance that made Shinji fall for her in the first place.

"We won't know about any of that until we try, right?"

With a moment's hesitation, Shinji found himself swallowing his fears with an audible gulp. "Right."

"Well then, here I come."

This time, in spite of his racing heart, Shinji stepped forward to meet Asuka halfway. As he looked at her approaching blue eyes, Shinji could see a hint of an emotion he had never seen before in Asuka's poker face: fear.

 _You're just as scared as I am, aren't you Asuka?_

With this in mind, Shinji closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened his eyes again, Asuka was waiting for him.

"Your breath still tickles." She whispered.

"Ah, do you want me to hold my nose?"

"No." she answered with a smile as she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

Shinji's blush returned tenfold.

"I kind of like how it feels." Asuka murmured before pulling him in for the kiss.

Shinji immediately closed his eyes as he felt a wave of warmth spread throughout his body. It reached past his pain. His doubts. His fears. For a few blessed moments, there was only warmth.

Quietly, simultaneously, the pair pulled apart.

They gazed at the other's eyes in silence.

Finally, Shinji clenched his fist, wrapped his left arm around Asuka, and used his right hand to guide her lips to his.

The second kiss was just as satisfying as the first and so were all the ones that followed.

As the forgotten ramen noodles expelled their last traces of steam, the doorbell rang.


End file.
